Socializing

Sometimes I have the desire to go out. I'd like to say need but the bottom line is that it is only a desire. Unfortunately, when I give into this desire I find myself unhappy or, rather, uncomfortable and regret stepping out, unless I've had much to drink which is not often. Then again, when one is drunk, lights are brighter, strangers are your best friends and somewhere within that liquid illusion? Delusion?, one feels like he or she is really living but that is all a farce, isn't it? In the light of day, one can see the pock marks on the porcelain skin of the night before unless one drinks so much that the brain harbors part of the illusion while the body is playing sober for a few hours.

In any case, I wonder what it is that people see in "going out". Usually "going out" has to do with drinking, no? Perhaps that's just in my life, I don't know. Unwinding maybe? Getting away from "real life" for an hour or two? Socializing with other souls to diminish the doldrums of family or daily life and/or the sadness of subconscious loneliness?

Ah but humans are social creatures, that is what has been taught, that is the history, humans live in clusters whether it is the familial unit or a community ... or tribe. Humans seek one another out perhaps to take the edge off, to forget, the knowledge that existence is minuscule or meaningless in the face of much grander things such as the mega-verse or even, to a much smaller degree, the vast oceans that surround the lands where humans dwell.

Wedding Invitation

We received an invitation in the mail for a wedding. It was from a barely known second cousin. It wasn't an invitation to the ceremony but one for the three hour reception afterward and, of course, the wedding registry. Target and Bed, Bath and Beyond or some other store specializing in things to beautify one's home. I don't see the point in going ... they don't know us ... well, not much anyway. We're just names on some branch of the familial tree. There is no attachment and, in truth, I don't care. Of course, I care peripherally since it's my Other's family, I support his care of them but he really doesn't know them either, at least not any more.

What is the point of going to celebrations in which one doesn't even have a passing relationship with the celebrants? Uncomfortable and awkward moments subconsciously acknowledged during the perfunctory congratulation when both giver and receiver are desperately trying to move away from one another. In all honesty, an invitation was most likely generated because we are a name in an address book used for holiday greetings. Holiday greetings, the once-a-year well wishing that's meant in the spirit of the season, which, when unveiled, can come to mean that one is only caught up in the spirit of the season and the greetings are situational in meaning - considering that no other contact is made throughout the other 364 days of the year. Even that once a year greeting is rather meaningless since it comes out of the holiday address book where wishes are like hookers spreading syphilis throughout the town in $10 increments.

I have no desire to give my perfunctory congratulations in person, I will send the obligatory gift from the registry, something not too expensive, something not too inexpensive, something that denotes the distance in our relationship from them - but of course, that feeling would not be read in the knife and utensil set, decorated with sunny daisies on the handles. It will be acknowledged and a proper thank you card sent, then used for many meals afterward, long after the giver is forgotten or even the event it was given. The receipt of the gift will actually be one of a self serving, no pun intended, "cross that one off the money we need to spend" nature. The receipt of the gift will not be a sentimental one, of that I am sure. Perhaps the gift would mean more IF the relationship had with the celebrants meant more, but it doesn't and so I'm sure it won't.