Pennies from heaven or accidentally falling out of a wallet. Yesterday, as I stood in line waiting for my overpriced coffee, a customer opened her wallet accidentally spilling all of her change. Scattered. What a PITA for her, right? My reaction, get down on the floor along with her and help gather the coins. What was the reaction of the customer who was directly ahead of me? To kind of halfheartedly sweep a couple of coins that bounced near her shoe over in the girl's general direction with her foot.
I wondered if the foot girl thought it was okay not to help simply because I was already getting my knees dirty? Or, did she halfheartedly sweep the coins because it would be the kind thing to do ... but she didn't really want help.
Thoughts that flitted through my head during this:
when I first swooped down to help, I wondered what the reaction would be if I had gathered up the coins only to shove them into my own pocket
I could swear feeling the foot girl's eyes trepanning the top of my skull from her observation post above us
If the coin girl is the type to help out a stranger no matter how minute the instance or if this simple action would be noted
Of course, my observances of foot girl is colored by my point of view, experiences etc and I may well be possibly well off the mark...
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Honesty, honestly
After class yesterday I noticed a one dollar bill on the floor, actually I think I caught it fluttering to the ground from the corner of my eye. In the nano-second it took to register the bill, the other student who had turned as the bill had fallen and my hand reaching out to scoop it up, I thought the following and in this order:
~money!
~it probably is his
~no one would know if I pocketed it
~someone might see me and also know that the bill was his
I picked the bill up, then said "excuse me, I think you dropped something" and gave him the bill. He said thank you and I can't remember any facial expression registering as "surprise" at the money itself. It occurred to me, after I'd given him the bill, that it may not have been his. However, his deceit, if any, is not my problem. My action gave the impression that I was acting with a good nature.
However, was the action really a "good" one? Or, because of my thought process (the deciding factor being acceptable good deeds and shame if not done) not a "good" one (b/c it was done for show or to avoid shame - noted by the society or not) and not with the "right" idea of thinking the other person and their loss only as well as the idea that it was not mine. That leads me to wonder, if I did pocket it, suspecting the bill to be his, would that not make me a thief?
Knowledge in both giving it back (the selfish thought process and the decision made by acceptable "good" actions an "upstanding" person would make) and not giving it back (while having an idea of the owner) provide ... doubt(?) in what a person is or thinks him/herself to be, the kind of person. What's more, I wonder how many people can be honest with themselves and embrace/question/accept the selfish thoughts in their heads even while doing an opposite ("right")action and/or for reasons that a saint would disapprove of. Is it the end result that matters? A good action despite the drive stemming from selfish thoughts, fear or conditioning?
...how honest can we be with ourselves about the things we do and don't do? There is never %100 honestly even with ourselves ... but can most people be truthful about themselves to themselves when the self-image developing is not lovely? Or is corrupting who they thought they were/are?
~money!
~it probably is his
~no one would know if I pocketed it
~someone might see me and also know that the bill was his
I picked the bill up, then said "excuse me, I think you dropped something" and gave him the bill. He said thank you and I can't remember any facial expression registering as "surprise" at the money itself. It occurred to me, after I'd given him the bill, that it may not have been his. However, his deceit, if any, is not my problem. My action gave the impression that I was acting with a good nature.
However, was the action really a "good" one? Or, because of my thought process (the deciding factor being acceptable good deeds and shame if not done) not a "good" one (b/c it was done for show or to avoid shame - noted by the society or not) and not with the "right" idea of thinking the other person and their loss only as well as the idea that it was not mine. That leads me to wonder, if I did pocket it, suspecting the bill to be his, would that not make me a thief?
Knowledge in both giving it back (the selfish thought process and the decision made by acceptable "good" actions an "upstanding" person would make) and not giving it back (while having an idea of the owner) provide ... doubt(?) in what a person is or thinks him/herself to be, the kind of person. What's more, I wonder how many people can be honest with themselves and embrace/question/accept the selfish thoughts in their heads even while doing an opposite ("right")action and/or for reasons that a saint would disapprove of. Is it the end result that matters? A good action despite the drive stemming from selfish thoughts, fear or conditioning?
...how honest can we be with ourselves about the things we do and don't do? There is never %100 honestly even with ourselves ... but can most people be truthful about themselves to themselves when the self-image developing is not lovely? Or is corrupting who they thought they were/are?
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